Balthasar Clemens, NASA’s Chief Astrologer, cancelled a scheduled shuttle launch after noting the inauspiciousness of the timing, given that Mercury was now in retrograde. Though he had reached his conclusion the previous day, the highly respected astrologer was almost too late after refusing to call the Launch Control Center and instead insisting on hand delivering his decision on a parchment scroll. Dr. Clemens said he made his determination after consulting the ancient books and then verifying the planet’s trajectory with his rune stones.